


Straight from the Heart

by FluffyHeretic



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: M/M, Multi, havent been super inspired lately so gotta take advantage of the feeling when it comes right, hey im back w more staff trio, im immediately posting this before i change my mind lol, thinkin abt these boys a lot lately..... love em, this came to me suddenly so i got it all out in one sitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 17:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyHeretic/pseuds/FluffyHeretic
Summary: At night, Shuu is left alone with his thoughts. They tend to do more harm than good.





	Straight from the Heart

They didn’t live together, but they spent enough time with each other that they really might as well. As a result, they often slept together too, the three of them huddled together in one bed.

(It was a more pleasant experience in winter than summer.)

Of course, with there being three of them, one would get the lucky honor of the middle spot. To be cuddled on not one, but both sides. The center of attention. It was only right for such a prestigious role to be treated fairly, so it rotated between them regularly.

Shuu did not always appreciate his turn.

(How shameful.)

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy having both of his boyfriends snuggled up to him at once. He enjoyed it very much, though he’d never say that out loud.

The problem he had was a problem he always had. Being in this position could just… exacerbate it, if he was already in the wrong mood.

Because, quite frankly, he didn’t belong here.

Hitori and Kazuaki were a good couple. They were great friends. They loved each other. Everyone fawned over how cute they were. They could last forever.

(Shuu had been so jealous of the both of them.)

But they were so kind. Moreso than Shuu knew to be possible. They realized how he felt, and after discussion and thought, generously allowed him in.

(Why was anyone’s guess.)

Shuu was not generous. He was not kind. He was not cute. He didn’t know how to show love, and he was not a great friend.

He didn’t belong.

(He got what he wanted so badly, and now all he could do was complain?)

Hitori and Kazuaki were fast asleep. Kazuaki was snoring, though it was nothing compared to how Shuu had been told his own could be.

So he laid between them, awake.

(Roughly wedged between them like an obstacle. A piece that didn’t fit.)

What was he doing here?

(Maybe the only reason they hadn’t moved in together was only that two people moving in with you is a bigger jump than one. How else did he hold them back?)

Being allowed into their relationship was not exactly expected. Even if he expected to be loved at all, this was an unorthodox situation.

(And he hadn’t.)

Shuu didn’t know how to be in a relationship. He didn’t know anything about this. Now that he was in one, he was grateful, but he was floundering. Lost. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to (though this wasn’t the first time he felt it) and he didn’t like it.

(Only two people can be married, so it wouldn’t be fair for them to do that with three people in the relationship. Any dreams they had had of a wedding and married life, Shuu had stolen from them.)

He did like being with Kazuaki and Hitori, though. He did like to spend time with them. He did like it when they hugged him, and held his hand, and kissed him, and all manner of affectionate gestures that he returned so shyly.

(Even as he wondered why they were given to him.)

He supposed it was the best he could do to try to get better. They were patient with him, at least. Sometimes it even felt like they understood what he couldn’t say.

(But he needed to say it.)

But the man he pictured - the man they deserved - was so far away. A distant blur on the horizon, that he could really only see when he squinted his eyes. He didn’t know how to get there. He didn’t think he could. If he ever did, it would be a long time.

(Too long.)

He felt Hitori shift, and then a hand was rubbing his arm. He kept staring up at the ceiling, pretending it held the secrets he was looking for. He couldn’t look directly at Hitori, not now.

(Not like this.)

“Why are you still awake?” Hitori’s voice was groggy from sleep.

Shuu didn’t know how to answer. Finally he said, “Thinking.”

(It wasn’t enough.)

Hitori moved closer and draped one arm over Shuu’s middle.

(He was thankful for it. It grounded him.)

Neither of them said anything else, but Shuu felt like he should.

(There were always so many things he should say, that he didn’t.)

Maybe it was just a result of how everything was sloshing around in him so uncomfortably, searching for a way through the cracks. Shoving against the barriers he had put up and making him squirm.

It felt like an impossibly long time later when he finally opened his mouth. “I’m trying,” he whispered to the dark. The thought that surely Hitori must have fallen asleep by then was the only reason he was able to say it. Even then, his voice felt so small and weak that it frightened him viscerally.

(But he was relieved when he felt himself be held tighter.)

He didn’t belong here. He was bad at this. But he was here anyway. So as long as he was allowed to be a part of this, he’d try his best. Whatever that meant.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading i love you.. ive been in a lil bit of a funk lately but im glad i was able to get this out. hopefully i write more soon! comments are appreciated xoxo


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